How long does it take to get over a hurt?  A day, a month, years?  What if it’s a moment?  A choice between forgiveness and nursing the pain.  That’s what it comes down to, ultimately: a choice, a decision that says I’ve had enough.  I’m done being angry, punishing you, resenting you, blaming you for my feeling unworthy.  It’s a choice that says I’m worthy of loving or being loved.  I don’t need this barrier anymore.


4 Responses to “forgiveness.”

  1. 1 Mary
    28 August 2008 at 7:55 pm

    I admire your post – and the idea that you present. But HOW do you do it?

  2. 2 mbdoctor
    29 August 2008 at 7:45 am

    That’s a very good question. Many spiritual traditions teach forgiveness practices that include breathing techniques and visualization. One practice that has been helpful for me is a Buddhist practice. I think of a time when I felt completely loved and accepted and focus on the feeling in my body. I notice my heart, my breathing, my muscles. I wait until the feeling fills me as much as it can. Then I turn my attention toward the person against whom I hold a grudge, someone who has hurt me (real or imagined). Then I visualize sharing the feeling of unconditional love with them. That usually softens my heart toward the person a little bit. Remember, this is a “practice” which means I keep coming back to it, trying it again and again. It’s sort of like going to the gym.

  3. 3 mbdoctor
    29 August 2008 at 7:51 am

    The authors of “Amish Grace”, a book about forgiveness in the Amish community, make an important distinction. They explore forgiveness as a practice, and clarify that it is separate from “pardon” and “reconciliation”. I think a lot of people get stuck on forgiveness because they think it somehow frees the other person from responsibility for their words or actions. The authors suggest through the Amish example that forgiveness really frees the person carrying the pain, not the person who caused it.

  4. 4 Mary
    1 September 2008 at 12:33 am

    The Amish Grace part sounds very interesting. I hear what you say about meditation, etc. I just can’t imagine doing it. Letting go is a very difficult concept for me – one that I struggle with in many areas of my life. These ideas that you present give me some new things to think about. Thank you!

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